This blog is small glimpses into my heart and soul - attempts to be transparent with friends, and sometimes, to myself. This is my safe place, where I can come and be purely Ness.

Family: If you found your way here, please do me a favor and don't poke through my closets, ok?

Friday, February 26, 2010

The Superior Choice

When I wrote this post, there was so much that was "clear" to me - black and white even. While I still feel strongly about most of these topics, I have gained a lot of grace and compassion for mothers who end up on the other side. I've learned far more about the myriad of reasons why some might make different decisions and seen some of the walls that they are faced with - sometimes even forcing them towards choices they do not want. While I would still make all the same choices again - I feel that they are my better choices, and I've learned that sometimes they are not your better choices. I've been tempted to delete this post entirely, but it's a tiny piece of me, of where I've been. Suffice to say, if I were to write this post today, it would have a very different tone to it.  - A slightly older Ness

Today I came across a comment about attachment parenting mothers having an attitude of superiority. This is not the first time I've heard this. It seems to be a common label given to those of us who practice this style of parenting. My response - Yep.
It's not that we think we're better than you, but that the methods we've chosen are better than the alternatives. That's why we chose them.  Isn't that they way it's supposed to work? You research and compile and listen, and then you decide to do what sounds and feels like the best - superior - thing for your baby. So, yes, we think what we do is better than what you do. Don't you think the same way? What mother says, "Yeah, this is definitely the poorer choice for my kid, but I'm going to do it anyway?"
Honestly there are times when we simply can't understand why you choose some things, like cry it out or formula feeding. It just seems so clearly to be the lesser or more harmful choice. It boggles my mind why some parents make the decisions they do, even when they are presented with evidence contrary to what they believe. It's like watching someone standing in front of a bin marked "Garbage" on one side, and "Recycling" on the other and then proceed to throw their glass bottle into the garbage. Huh? I'm so confused. How did you decide that was the better or right choice?
I know that making the decision to attachment parent is a bit more challenging than moving your arm to the other slot on the bin, but often it's easier to do than not. Bringing your baby into bed with you instead of listening to them cry for hours? Easier. Whipping out a boob instead of getting up to prepare formula? Easier. Throwing your baby in a carrier instead of lugging around a car seat? Easier. Keeping your tiny newborn close to you instead of letting them be strapped to a board while the doctor cuts off his skin? Easier. Follow that with - "wipe like a finger" instead of "protect with antibiotic ointment and watch for infection"? Easier. Letting your child wean themselves when the time is right instead of denying them the mother milk they want so much? Easier. (okay, I know that some people will face quite a bit of flack and criticism on this one that can make it very hard to continue.)
I do know that there are exceptions to the rule - the baby that demands his own space to sleep, the mother who needs medication that keeps her from breastfeeding, but the good reasons to chose else-wise are the exceptions, not the norm.
 I could go on and on about why the choices I make are the better choices, but that really would go on and on... and on. So suffice it to say, "Yes, I think my choices are better. Why else would I choose them?"


  1. I just commented over on Woman Uncensored, but wanted to say YES, I AGREE!! I'm always afraid to say it. But AP is absolutely the superior way to parent... because it's more compassionate and loving. Love your blog design btw :)

  2. LOVE this! Love it! I will be following your blog - you are an inspiration - how I long to be able to say what's really on MY mind... Great post on AP... Keep up the good work, mama!

  3. Thanks so much, ladies! I'm not sure I've ever been called an "inspiration" before.(blush)
    I'm still finding my way around the blog settings, so I didn't realize these were sitting there waiting for me to "ok." oops